Really?

As you probably know this week has been fairly shitty. Today has been slightly predictable. Only slightly. I went to school and of course couldn't any work. It was taking the piss. I have actually had enough of it all but what can I change? Mrs Johnson A.K.A evil lady seemed to make the day a whole lot better. Made me use iPad but I couldn't and guess what? I started to kick off in her room so she got to see me scratching at my hands and face. Trying to catch me out to see if I was just acting but I wasn't. I was scratching until my skin was sore and only at the start did she seem to care but I think I was forgetting who I was talking to. All she cared about was the fact that her shitty laptop wasn't working and she was getting mad because of it. She asked me what I wanted to make it stop I told her straight. She sent me back to tutor from my perspective she didn't really care. Convinced in her sick mind that I was still making things up even though I never have. Then has the cheek to lie about it after I'm gone. She never says things to my face about what she thinks but then neither do I. I have a feeling she's looking for a reason to kick me out of school. I think now she might have one. But who's fault is that? Kind of hers for the cause but then mine for blabbing. Well I had to sort myself out I was mess so I did. Thought it was smart to give Mrs an update at the end of school and I told her what I did just so she knew. Just because I thought it'd be helpful. No. Never again. For a start she started questioning me: What did you do with it? Where did you get it? Where is it now? Then says that I could get arrested for having a sharp item. So it's not like other teenagers have as well then. She said because I do I either have to give it to her or she'd call the police. What the fuck? The police over a fucking piece of metal that she probably just wants to use to accuse me of more made up bullshit. Ok so I threw it in the bin, she fishes it out and holds it up. I had to look the other way because right there and then so many thoughts and possibilities came into my head. She then put hers arm around. For a start, what the fuck? Ok so you took away the only possible thing that helps me. The only thing that has actually worked in calming me down in school. And you take it away from me. What is wrong with her? Who the fuck does she think she is? What am I going to do? I'm not going to let myself kick off in school even if I have to fucking rip out my veins.

Excuse my mouthy language but you can probably tell I'm not at the top of the world. I'm typing now because I need to let my feelings out and I don't really mind if the whole world can read this. I'm being honest and I'm not a lier.

I've had enough of it all. People not believing me and some people even having second thoughts. I don't tell different stories each time just I have different ways of telling people things. All my stories that I tell link into each other. And maybe at the worst I can't even think straight so maybe when I'm a little more sane I can explain more and details may seem to change. But I don't bullshit. What's the point in it? Why would you lie?Sooner or later the truth will come out no matter how well you try to hide it. So why the fuck would you lie about it? Or even make up a massive problem.

Yes I'm typing now. Big mistake. Because I haven't got what I need apart from something else which will tempt me to stab myself. That's it what the fuck? I haven't done anything wrong I'm just trying everything I can doing what I guess is right but it's always wrong. I'm on the brink of tears not that I care to be honest but when I write I will say everything on my mind.

Anyway doesn't matter. Tomorrow's another and luckily evil lady isn't going to be in it. Triple maths and double PDC. Tomorrow is going to be fun...