I apologise on behalf of my last post. I was in a bad place and decided to stop using this blog but why should I stop something for the sake of other people? I mean technically this is mine, no one else's why should I care what anyone else thinks? I guess back then I cared to much what everyone else thought, it hasn't been long since then but I have changed quite a lot. For a start I don't believe in stopping what I want to do for the sake of anyone else, if I want to do something I will do it regardless of whether or not they like it or not. I'm working for my future and writing in school and speak the truth only if I feel it's necessary. I'm occasionally honest but it usually depends on my mood and who I'm talking to. I usually just like decide at the moment someone asks me or beforehand. I'm in Year 10 now, I'm still with CAMHS actually working stuff out now, people have a better understanding of what it's like which I'm happy about.
I'm not better, but I'm getting there. I mean I can write and do work like a normal person. I wear my scars out and I don't give two about what anyone has to say. I'm more confident when it comes to speaking up and I'm just trying to be a better person in general. Well a better person when it comes to me having company and working towards my future. I'm the same, some bits I'm different and other bits I'm worse but oh well I guess. I'm still suicidal, I still self harm and I still have problems with my mental health. My body's a bit messed up all I have to do is learn to manage it. I can't cope with distress honestly it's horrible. Like seriously I can just look at a piece of homework stress about it but at the same time I have to be careful because I can't put up with the stress like it feels unbearable so I have to try and distract myself which is why last year I struggled to do homework since because I already couldn't write the whole idea of it just stressed me out so now I kind of have to deal with especially being in Year 10. There are so many more expectations and things I'm working for since I'm currently in bottom English and since I have a passion for writing I don't find it very acceptable but it's slightly fair due to the fact I hardly did any work last year but then again it isn't since I couldn't do any. Now in English I'm pushing myself to be moved up. I'm still in top maths and top languages. Now I just need to work hard in Performing Arts and Music my two options. I have a passion for music and I honestly can't live without it. Literally before I was a fan but didn't listen to it all the time but now I swear I hardly go without it. Every day I fall asleep to the radio, wake up to the radio, listen to it while I get ready, listen to music when I go to school, when I come home. I'm pretty much addicted. Not forgetting I sing, and I write and well music is now practically my life.
Anyway felt like a rant, now I'll just read through my past posts since I've only read the last one anyway I still have a lot left to say.
Later.
I'm not better, but I'm getting there. I mean I can write and do work like a normal person. I wear my scars out and I don't give two about what anyone has to say. I'm more confident when it comes to speaking up and I'm just trying to be a better person in general. Well a better person when it comes to me having company and working towards my future. I'm the same, some bits I'm different and other bits I'm worse but oh well I guess. I'm still suicidal, I still self harm and I still have problems with my mental health. My body's a bit messed up all I have to do is learn to manage it. I can't cope with distress honestly it's horrible. Like seriously I can just look at a piece of homework stress about it but at the same time I have to be careful because I can't put up with the stress like it feels unbearable so I have to try and distract myself which is why last year I struggled to do homework since because I already couldn't write the whole idea of it just stressed me out so now I kind of have to deal with especially being in Year 10. There are so many more expectations and things I'm working for since I'm currently in bottom English and since I have a passion for writing I don't find it very acceptable but it's slightly fair due to the fact I hardly did any work last year but then again it isn't since I couldn't do any. Now in English I'm pushing myself to be moved up. I'm still in top maths and top languages. Now I just need to work hard in Performing Arts and Music my two options. I have a passion for music and I honestly can't live without it. Literally before I was a fan but didn't listen to it all the time but now I swear I hardly go without it. Every day I fall asleep to the radio, wake up to the radio, listen to it while I get ready, listen to music when I go to school, when I come home. I'm pretty much addicted. Not forgetting I sing, and I write and well music is now practically my life.
Anyway felt like a rant, now I'll just read through my past posts since I've only read the last one anyway I still have a lot left to say.
Later.
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