Today has just been horrible. I went out only because I had to and well just today didn't go as planned. I guess it's not really surprising. I bought my brother some chips, I had some as well but my stomach still hurts because of what I did. I'm not even sure whether I mentioned what I did on here but it doesn't really matter. I can't plan my days because I can kick off any time, any where and with any one so I did when I was out. I wanted to go straight home but I couldn't since mum and Abdul wanted to go to McDonald's. I had my house key I would've easily but because of this weeks events trust isn't as strong as it used to be. I said I couldn't go in and what I wanted. I said what I felt I was only doing what was best for me. I did go after being forced but sad on a hill not too far from McDonald's but not close to anyone. When I'm feeling like I'm about to kick off I try to distance myself from other people so I did that. But it would've been so much easier to go home. I was forced to go because mum was moaning about her free time. She likes going out but now she feels she can't go out because she can't leave me alone. I went with her today because it was relevant for me. But then McDonald's was unexpected so I told my mum I couldn't go she wouldn't listen. She was being really selfish at the time because I was only doing what was best for me but she just wanted to get some fast food. What's more important? She said she was starving but it's not like we don't have food at home. I did buy some chips on the way home to make up for it but she was still being stubborn. Moaning at me, blaming it on me but I explained to her why it's better I just stay in my room.
I went right home and sorted myself out the way I do. Then she was trying to call up my dad because she can't cope with me. Wanted him to take me into his care for a while but I told her it wasn't going to change anything and that it would most likely make me worse because the safest place I feel is in my room.
Right now mum has been in my room moaning at me about sleep. How I go to bed late and how I should be sleeping. Then she brings up bullshit about rules. We've never had any sleeping rules in this house. That stopped when I turned 11. When I was no longer told what time I had to sleep and just did when I was tired. Mum isn't a bad mother she just can piss me off if I'm being honest. I told her to leave, said I felt like I was kicking off and she was just making me feel worse. Well she was she was trying to make me feel bad, again blame me on stuff. Trying to use me knowing I don't have a sleeping curfew as an excuse for her to say she should just walk out the house. Well if I'm honest I'm growing up and I can do everything myself but that doesn't mean I don't need her. She's my mum.
Anyway. Everything I'm writing now is a mess, my heads a mess and I'm trying to distract myself but it's failing horribly and I'm just going to snap in a minute. I feel horrible and I need to sort myself out again.
I went right home and sorted myself out the way I do. Then she was trying to call up my dad because she can't cope with me. Wanted him to take me into his care for a while but I told her it wasn't going to change anything and that it would most likely make me worse because the safest place I feel is in my room.
Right now mum has been in my room moaning at me about sleep. How I go to bed late and how I should be sleeping. Then she brings up bullshit about rules. We've never had any sleeping rules in this house. That stopped when I turned 11. When I was no longer told what time I had to sleep and just did when I was tired. Mum isn't a bad mother she just can piss me off if I'm being honest. I told her to leave, said I felt like I was kicking off and she was just making me feel worse. Well she was she was trying to make me feel bad, again blame me on stuff. Trying to use me knowing I don't have a sleeping curfew as an excuse for her to say she should just walk out the house. Well if I'm honest I'm growing up and I can do everything myself but that doesn't mean I don't need her. She's my mum.
Anyway. Everything I'm writing now is a mess, my heads a mess and I'm trying to distract myself but it's failing horribly and I'm just going to snap in a minute. I feel horrible and I need to sort myself out again.
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